Three Men on an Island 
There were three men stranded on an island with nothing to eat but a bowl of mac n cheese. The first guy says, "I have an idea, lets all swim to the other side and the first one there gets the bowl of mac n cheese". They all tie so the second guy says, "I have an idea, lets all swim back and the first one back gets the bowl of mac n cheese". They all tie again and the third guy says, "I have an idea, lets all go to sleep and the one with the best dream gets the bowl of mac n cheese". The next morning the first guy says, "I dreamed I ate all the mac n cheese in the world". The second guy says, "I dreamed I ate the bowl of mac n cheese". The third guy says, "Yankee Doodle went to town ridin on a pony while you dummies were asleep I ate the bowl of macaroni".
Mr. Rabbit
One day, a Rabbit, a Turtle, and a Buzzard were planning on starting a farm. The Turtle and Buzzard were digging holes, and they sent the Rabbit out to find horse manure, to fertilize the land. While the rabbit is out finding manure, the turtle and buzzard strike oil. They become instantly rich. When the rabbit returns, he sees a mansion. He rings the doorbell, and a butler answers. The rabbit says "where is the buzzard and the turtle?". The butler replies "Mr. BuzzARD is out by the yard, and Mr. TurtEL is out by the well." the rabbit says, " Tell Mr TurtEL who is out by the well, and Mr BuzzARD, whos out by the yard, that Mr. RabBIT is here with the sh*t!"
Programmer
A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem.The project manager said: "Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination."The computer programmer said: "We have here the driver's guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive."The computer operator said: "First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem."Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: "Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."
Software Development Life Cyle :
- Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
- Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
- Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.
- Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.
- Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
- Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
- Users find 137 new bugs.
- Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
- Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
- Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
- Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
- New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.
- Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free...
CIA- Computer Industry Acronyms :
CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
SCSI: System Can't See It
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
DOS: Defunct Operating System
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
PnP: Plug and Pray
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
DEC: Do Expect Cuts
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
CA: Constant Acquisitions
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You're Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.
Father and Son:
"Dad, can you write in the dark?"
"I think so. What is it you want me to write?"
"Your name on this report card."
Little Girl and her mom:
A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?"
The little girl replied, "My homework."
